Quotes of the day

Living off of others' words until I can get my own in order:

I'm trying to find my peace,
I was made to believe there's something wrong with me,
and it hurts my heart.
((Janelle Monae, 'Cold War'))

Push back, push back, push back,
in every word, in every breath.
What God doesn't give to you, you've got to go and get for yourself.
((Against Me!, 'Bamboo Bones'))

I know I am different! I have tried to be the same, but I am different! Why can I not be who I am?
((The Creature, 'Frankenstein' adapted by Nick Dear))

...yeah, having an angryemotional day.

This is a cold war - do you know what you're fighting for?

Spoke to my dad yesterday about the CD (Ronen's debut album! Now available for $15 if you happen to run into me in person). We're working on the process to get said CD onto iTunes for online purchase, which also involves setting up an account with CDbaby. They want a profile, a list of similar artists and such. Should be fun, right? Until my dad (who, yes, helped me work on the album) comes out with this gem:

"I know there are some -- political things you like to do, but I think it's a good idea to avoid those until you have a following."

In other words, I shouldn't put stuff in my bio that might scare people away like, for instance, any mention of my gender identity.

My initial internal reaction was irritation but, because even after years of painstakingly growing the beginning of a spine I still have a crippling fear of confrontation, all I said was "That's a school of thought."

And then I spent most of this morning being fucking pissed off.

As if gender is purely political. As if my own thoughts on my own gender are something open to interpretation by anyone else. As if honesty is a luxury only reserved for those with a healthy fan base. And if anyone is going to avoid my artistic work based on which pronoun I use - because that's a subset of the people I'm going to attract if I avoid mentioning it - why the fuck do I want their 'support' in the first place?

I think my dad thinks he's approaching this from a business standpoint. He thinks there won't be enough out there for me if I'm honest from the start. I disagree because I know the queer community and its allies, I know fan culture and Tumblr culture and I know that all of them are huge, but I don't know how to get him to understand that. The fact that he's my dad in addition to being my business partner doesn't exactly make it easier. ( cut because this gets further into emotional territory from here. )

I've been calling 2012 the year I learned how to grow up (by my definition). I wonder if 2013 will be the year I learn to use my anger.

God, I hope so.